My Health Journey and the Reality of Finding Care
The last thing I am supposed to be doing right now is writing a blog post according to my AI guides. I have just (mostly) recovered from yet another illness, nothing “big”, just a cold. It is 7am, I have fed the dog, drank a cup of chai, and have a list of other self-care things to do, like exercise, meditate and walk the dog. Yet my brain wouldn’t settle down about this idea, and the health journey I am on.
A few weeks ago I stumbled upon a book called Decode Your Fatigue by Alex Howard. I was lightly intrigued by it partly because I have a friend with chronic fatigue and partly because fatigue seems to be a factor in my own health journey. Ever since I broke my ankle in November 2024, it seems that as soon as I get too active, I get blindsided by an illness that takes me out for a week to many weeks. I rest because I have no other choice, and when I feel that it is time to get back at it, I re-enter the world only to be incapacitated again by another illness. Try building a business in a new town, find a new job, change careers, support children and grandchildren, make friends…with unreliable energy and an inability to stay well – to say it is frustrating is an understatement.
Even before I started reading the book, I could feel something wasn’t right. Allergies and seasonal brain fog are familiar territory for me, but this was something else entirely. After becoming a health insurance agent in August 2025, I began digging into what kind of care I could realistically access in this season. I found out I qualified for a Silver ACA plan through Ambetter and switched from a health share in February. The $0 copays for primary care, physical therapy, and mental health were a lifeline. When you’re stuck in a cycle of illness and fatigue, every dollar matters. As much as I love ayurveda, acupuncture, functional medicine, and all the other modalities, they’re simply out of reach for me right now.
In February, I had my first appointments with a therapist and a primary care doctor. The first thing that the primary care doctor wanted to discuss was getting me on an antidepressant due to the answers on an intake form. I explained that I believe that my depression score is from my circumstances, not that I am truly depressed or not in a way that a medication would help with. I don’t think that she believed me, and I think that my case was beyond her experience. It wasn’t until I was reading Decode Your Fatigue when the author stated that the fatigue is what brings on the depression, vs the depression bringing on the fatigue that I felt heard. It is not that I don’t want to go do things, it is just that when I do, my energy reserves are depleted and it takes me days/weeks to recover. This is a different beast, and being in a cycle of chronic fatigue has a different healing strategy than someone dealing with a primary diagnosis of depression.
Outside of a few headaches, I have had a relatively healthy 2026. I had limited my exposure to the world, partly due to rescuing a dog with separation anxiety, and partly for my own healing. In the last month, I had been adding activities to my schedule – church, networking, even tried disc golf. Wednesday I woke up with the dreaded sore throat. Not allergies, although I wish it were. My daughter and grandkids had something similar so I deduced that we all had a cold of some sort. I functioned through Wednesday, thinking that I was doing a bare minimum and the cold would pass quickly. By evening, I could see that was not the case. I got really angry that I was sick. So angry in fact that I couldn’t sleep and spent all night awake instead of getting the healing that good rest brings. Angry that I cannot do the things that I used to do, angry about how my body is not cooperating with my need to make money (which is a stress that causes illness too), angry that other people older than me seem to have an abundance of energy that I just don’t have access to anymore. Angry that I was angry!
I spent all of Thursday in bed. Friday was much the same, except I was able to wake and drink a small amount. Saturday my brain was awake but my body was slow. Sunday the cough started, but my brain fog lifted. I was able to clean my kitchen, vacuum and a few other chores.
This morning when my body naturally woke at 5am, I listened again to some of Decode Your Fatigue. About how easy it is to do too much when we feel good and to go too low when we are not well, that more rest doesn’t fix fatigue. How I need to be willing to be my own coach, and be willing to actively manage my health journey. That this work is not easy and that analysis paralysis will set in. A few weeks ago I was all in – this is the way forward. And then I had to decide where to start, and I researched supplements, and got overwhelmed. So then I decided that I would meal plan, and made a bunch of meals that didn’t excite me to eat. It is so complicated and I do get overwhelmed. Because each decision could potentially be one that makes or breaks the next month.
Okay, so how to wrap this all up in a neat package for blog land?
I was thinking about my business name, Bonfire in the Rain, and how fatigue is my rain right now. I’m lighting my own way through this health challenge—learning how to live inside a body that needs more care than the system is designed to give.
I can do that for other folks too. For people who need help navigating health insurance, who don’t have coverage, or who are in the midst of an illness that may or may not be recognized. I’m figuring out how to access the most holistic care possible inside a very non‑holistic system, and how to do it in a way that’s financially viable—while managing fatigue and everything else that comes with it!
If reading this brought up questions about your own situation, one gentle place to start is my Health Insurance Chaos Calculator. It’s a short intake that helps organize what’s going on so I can better understand how to light the way forward with you.
Prefer to start in conversation instead? Send me a quick email or text—I do my best thinking in writing, and I usually respond quickly.